Legit Recaps for Dinotrux
by TRikiD
Summary: This is inspired by DWK's "Totally Legit Recap" series for MLP:FIM, so be prepared for strong language and a lot of adult humor. But don't worry, all of these recaps are still totally legit.
1. Ty and Revvit

Legit Recaps of Dinotrux

Ok so, for those of you who don't know, Dinotrux is a quote-unquote "kid-friendly" show created by DreamWorks Animations Studios. Why did they decide to make a show about dinosaur-machine hybrids? Well, I think the answer is pretty simple: They've gotten so hard from their past projects that they wanted to make a clusterfuck about how smart they are when it comes to automata.

What's automata? I don't fuckin' know. Look it up.

Anyway, the show starts out in this Jurassic period of time when humans, mammals, or social media doesn't exist. And I'm just sittin' here thinkin', "How the hell do any of these guys even come together without Furaffinity and Tumblr?"(which, by the way, should totally get started on some Rule 34 art of this show…I'm not kidding, I looked, and I found, like, maybe two fuckin' images on Google that qualify as porn, and they weren't even that good!)

Yeah, and then we learn hat there's "cleverly-named" creatures, such as Craneosaurs, Dozeratops, and Ankylodumps(who all look exactly alike, aside from the occasional palette swap and different head shape, and that's only for the sexual dimorphism of Craneosaurs).

And then, we finally meet the reason LITERALLY EVERYONE wanted to watch this show, and that's Ty Rux. Or as I like to call him: Andrew Francis dino. And because Ty's not only voiced by a guy who always plays the good guys, but also because this is a kids' show, Ty is a pretty chill dude.

Seriously, he's like me whenever I get up in the morning; I'm hung over as hell, and I just wanna scratch my ass and get something to eat. But they decided to pull the race card, and make all the other Dinotrux piss themselves whenever they see him or any other Tyrannosaurus-Trux(I'll let this one slide).

Remember that scene from Shrek where he tells Donkey about people would judge them before they even got to know him? Yeah, that only felt relatable to everyone because there were some adult jokes in the movie. But here, it just feels rushed and totally immature. Sure, it's a show for kids, but who the hell said this was a smart way to handle it?

You think I would get away with something similar to this if I walked by a big, black guy on the street, and suddenly ran and screamed for my life? No! That's not how it works, DreamWorks! People are way more easily offended these days, so don't you DARE say that making it a show for children makes racism justifiable!

*inhales deeply for a few minutes*Sorry, I got a little carried away.

Anyway, Ty goes out to look for some ore, which, apparently, is some kind of…rock? Just a fair warning, guys, if you aren't scientists, or at least really good at Chinese algebra, there's gonna be a lot of technical crap in this show that'll go right over your head.

But just when Ty starts chowin' down, a volcano suddenly fucks up everyone's morning and sends flaming-hot-lava cum all over the place. But Ty immediately has to show us how much of a good guy he is by risking his life to safe a baby Ankylodump, and give it back to its parents.

Also, I can't ignore the fact that the baby Ankylodump is played by Ashleigh Ball, who voices Skya and literally over half of the other female characters in this show. I'm starting to think DreamWorks spent most of their budget on machine research and animation, which explains why they literally only have ten main voice actors.

After some more shit happens, Ty's home gets destroyed and he gets hit by a volcanic rock. And, my god, Ty actually limps all day and all night just to find some help, but not a FUCKING SOUL STOPS TO HELP HIM!

Ya know, most people would say that just because you did one shitty thing, doesn't mean you'll keep doing shitty things. Well, I say, "If you polish a turd, it's still a turd."(those are Jeff Dunham's words, not mine)

What I'm getting at is, where the fuck was everyone else when Ty got hurt? Seriously, did they watch him get hurt and limp out like some fuckin' injured dog with only three legs and decide, "Dude, he's fucked. I'm out."

Good god, we're only two minutes in, and this show is already giving me a headache…

Anyway, Ty finds this totally awesome, too-good-to-be-true crater, and gets his hopes up. But he discovers that it's too good to be true when he still can't get anyone to help him, and they all leave him to die.

Seriously, they just run away, and then watch him die.

But no, Ty doesn't die(I would honestly love to see an episode with that name) because he keeps having orgasms whenever he find more ore. But then, there's this weird little…green thing called a Reptool? That's it, I give up.

This Reptool is going to be the cliché small and nerdy character, and his name is Revvit(I'll let this one slide, too). He tries to steal some of Ty's ore, but he's too weak because he spends just as much time being a creepy introvert as Moon Dancer from My Little Pony.

But Ty once again shows that he's a bit a bitch, and helps Revvit instead of crushing him to death and eating him…hey, man, reptiles are full of protein. And I gotta point this out, even after Revvit realizes the fact that Ty wouldn't kill him and would rather help him, he STILL doesn't choose to do the right thing and immediately fix his broken tread!

They're really pushin' this racism thing, but at least there's a character that fits the "completely evil T-Trux" description later on.

Luckily, Revvit pusses out of trying to be the badass hermit for once, and comes back to Ty to fix him.

And Ty's like, "Wait, you're gonna help me?"

And Revvit's all, "Uh, yeah, I'm a Reptool. Fixing things and solving ridiculously hard problems is what we do because we're basically the equivalent to Asians."

"Dude, have you not been payin' attention? I'm a fuckin' T-Trux."

"I'm acutely aware of that, but I realized that if I'm gonna die, I might as well go out fixing something that was triggering my OCD."

"Fair enough."

So then, Revvit does some magical, technical bullshit and fixes Ty's tread.

And Ty's like, "This feels awesome, but do you think you can do that again? I think there's a loose floppy dick in my ass, and it's startin' ta hurt."

And Revvit's like, "Do you mean, floppy 'disk'?"

"No."

"Sorry, dude, but I tried butt play once, and it nearly ended with me suffocating in the bowels of a Craneosaur."

"Damn!"

"Yeah, I try not to think about it. Why do you think I was trying to avoid you?"

"Wait, you're not scared of me because I'm a T-Trux?"

"Hell no! I'm scared because you look like the kinda guy who's inta fruit, and now I know that for sure because of your floppy dick problem—seriously, you should probably see a doctor about that."

"Dude, I can't. We're in the fuckin' prehistoric ages. We haven't even invented AIDS yet."

So then, Revvit gets all formal, and he's like, "I am Revvit."(actual dialogue in the show)

So, Ty decides ta finally fuckin' introduce himself to the one guy he owes his life to, and he's all, "Ty Rux. But you can call me Ty."(also actual dialogue)

But back to non-canon dialogue, Ty's like, "So, how many times have you risked your life to save Dinotrux?"

And then Revvit becomes this chuckle-fuck, "You kiddin' me? I get off to adventure more than the Crocodile Hunter! I was riding on the back of an Ankylodump during rutting season yesterday!"

"Really?!"

"No, it was actually just a dream I had."

"Oh. Well, if you're into adventure, why don't I just stay here? There're no volcanoes here, and I bet we could be good friends."

"Actually, there _is_ a volcano here, Ty."

"Great. That's probably gonna come back ta bite me in the ass later."

But then, Revvit suddenly screams his girly lungs out, and that's when I realized something. Revvit's voice is way deeper in this episode. Why did they decide to make him more annoying than Spongebob as the series went on? Seriously, did they tell Ian to gargle with nails before recording?

Anyway, we learn that Revvit screamed because we're finally introduced to the main villain of the show: D-Structs, AKA the love-child of Darth Vader and Barricade from Transformers.

(prepare for more boring analyzing and opinions)

But D-Structs is actually a really cool villain because unlike most bad guys in kids' shows, he is literally never, ever reformed. Sure, he's shown to help the protagonists from time to time, but that was only to save himself. And by the time the episode is over, D-Structs goes right back to being the enemy and planning to kill everyone. Seriously, name a show for kids where a villain was never reformed. I'll wait.

And then, Ty tries to show how much of a bitch he is, "Hey, dude! Is it alright with you if we share this place?"

And D-Structs hits him and is all, "Fuck off, queer."

"Hey, man, that's a pretty blunt and offensive term! Ya can't just go blurting it out like that!"

"I don't give a shit, and I don't share with fruitcakes like you."

"Again, very vague slang!"

"Alright, I didn't wanna have have ta do this, but here comes the thunder!"(more real dialogue from the show)

Oh, Andrew Francis, you are a true redeeming quality of this show. If it wasn't for your deep, sexy, husky voice, I don't anyone would care as much, let alone ship you with Skya. And that's weird because Ton-Ton is voiced by Matt Hill, who played Soarin' on My Little Pony(I'm making a lot of MLP references, I know, but just stick with me here), so they're basically ruining Rainbow Dash fan-favorite relationship with Soarin' and shipping her with Shining Armor.

Ok, I admit it, I'm a Pegasister.

Anyway, Ty and D-Structs have a little brawl, and if you really sit and watch closely, it's pretty violent for a kids' show. And the violence doesn't stop there, trust me. And it gets even more R-rated when D-Structs literally knocks Ty into a raping position, and approaches him from behind.

Sadly, my perverted dreams of seeing them copulate together are ruined when D-Structs just tells him to leave. But does Ty get up through all this? No, he just lies there and prepares to take it; therefore, further confirming my theory that Ty is homosexual, or at the very least bisexual.

But hey, we finally meet Rainbow Dash brachiosaurus…sorry, we meet Skya(this name is going straight to Hell).

Ty's like, "Please, tell me you're not shipping fuel."

And Skya's all, "Sorry, dude. The fandom's become more powerful than the canon, and you know it. There's nothing either of us can do to escape it."

"Well, you could've at least helped me fight Cliché Black Baddie back there."

"Nah, it's way more fun ta watch you get fucked up."

And after Skya leaves, Ty suddenly gets a little wet down in his nether regions because he has a brilliant idea, and he's like, "Rev, dude, I got it. I won't have ta run away again because we just need ta make more friends."

But Revvit's all, "What? How the hell're you gonna make friends when everyone here is such a racist bastard?"

"It'll be easy because we've all got a common enemy, and that's D-Structs."

"Huh…I hadn't thought of that."

"I thought you Asians were supposed ta be smart."

So then, they head off and we meet one of, if not the most, annoying characters in the entire show: Ton-Ton the fucking California surfer guy…I kid you not, this characters says dude at least ten fucking times in every. Single. Episode.

But to be fair, I should be asking myself if I'm the pot or the kettle because I've actually written fanfics about this character. But that's besides the point.

And just like the fans' reactions, Ton-Ton doesn't believe a word of their bullshit, so Ty tries to go find his metaphorical girlfriend Skya to see if she can help.

Oh, and here's another real line from Ty, "Believe it or not, you're not the first Craneosaur I've ever seen."

Yeah, I'm the kind of person who would always read too much into a sentence like that, so I now have a bunch of Rule 34 images of Ty fucking other random Craneosaurs of either sex stuck in my head. Does it sound like I'm complaining? I'm not. I honestly can't get enough of Dinotrux porn.

But I'm getting too analytical, so I'll just cut to the chase. Skya says she'll help, but Dozer suddenly comes in and tries ta scare Ty off. But his plan fails, and Ty "accidentally" throws him into a tar pit. Ty has a little bipolar moment before trying to help Dozer get out, and Skya and Ton-Ton decide to help him.

Also, there's a part where Ty is pulling Dozer out of the tar, and this is what they say to each other.

"Took ya long enough."

"I could put you back in."

I dare you to listen to that part with your eyes closed.

And then, D-Structs totally shows up again, and he's pissed, "You're still here, _and_ you've started an interracial orgy?"

But Ty's like, "D-Structs, ya can't expect ta get far in life by being a prejudice asshole. There's literally enough room for both of us, despite the whole honorary "one T-Trux per territory" code that I'm deliberately ignoring right now."

"I told you, I don't share with fruitcakes."

"Well, I'm not leaving until you've had a change of attitude."

So then, the others start being all cheesy and become Ty's friends, and D-Structs suddenly dues-ex machina's himself out of there. They all know that he's gonna be back, so they decide ta stick together and eat out at T.G.I. Friday's.

But ya know, I think the first episode of this breakthrough of a cartoon taught us all an important lesson: Shitty people are only truly shitty _after_ you get to know them.


	2. Scrapadactyls

Oh, no…it's a fucking world-building episode…fuck me.

Also, this episode basically shows just how fucking retarded and useless Reptools are. Don't believe me? Let me explain(with the help of Dinofanx's brilliant analyzing).

We start off with Ty giving us a little exposition, "You know, Revvit, I think it's almost perfect."

And Rev's all, "Ok…"

"If only I hadn't gotten caught in that avalanche that happened off-screen…"

"Keep going…"

"But at least my timing is _never_ off."

"Dude, you literally just admitted that you were almost killed in an avalanche."

"Yeah, well, you were right about danger being arousing."

Also, check out this canon line from Ty, "Yeah! Now, I'm firing on all cylinders!"

Once again, Andrew Francis is the true savior of this show. I can't tell you how many screaming orgasms I've had just from imagining Ty fucking me…I suffer from a sever case of fictophillia(Google definition: It is a condition where a person have strong desires, sexual attraction, intense feelings of love towards a fictional character, similar in strength and application of those felt towards real people).

Anyway, Skya shows up and totally makes everything awkward when she lifts her tail to show a piece of scrap metal that was lodged into it. But when looking at this scene with no context, all I can think is that Skya is trying to tell Ty to fuck her. Honestly, she'd have a better chance with Dozer because at least their love-hate relationship is interesting.

And then, the others show up and start asking Revvit to fix their repairs, but he's like, "Dude, I'm one fuckin' person, and I'm tinier than a bunny's dick. I can't fix you all at once."

So, Ty's like, "Ok, then just go get more of your little friends."

And Revvit's all, "Thank you, Captain Obvious."

So then, Revvit takes a big-ass piece of ore to some place called the "Reptool Ravine," and this is where we see just how stupid these creatures are. Again, I didn't notice this myself; this idea came from my good friend Dinofanx(thank you, buddy). My point is, Reptools seem to collect all these Dinotrux parts, but why? What the hell is the point of collecting all this shit if you're never gonna use it correctly?!

Anyway, this is where we meet some of Revvit's friends: Ace the totally badass tomboy, Waldo the paranoid black guy, and Click-Clack the paranoid white guy(I guess you could say white tools can't jump…I'll let myself out).

Also, I won't lie, I absolutely _love_ Cree Summer's voice, but Ace's voice sounds like fucking nails on a chalkboard.

And so, Revvit's like, "Hey, guys, you're not gonna believe what I did today. I went outside, and made friends with Dinotrux."

But Waldo's all, "Are you fucking crazy?!"

And Ace is like, "How the hell are you still alive?"

And Click-Clack's all, "If I act like I wanna be a part of this, are you guys finally gonna start paying attention to me?"

"Shut up, Click-Clack!"

So, Revvit convinces them that helping Dinotrux would be a lot safer and more fun, and we find out that each Reptool is paired with a certain Trux.

But Waldo's all skeptical, and actually says this in the show, "Ya can't make friend with Dinotrux. They're…Dinotrux!"

Again with the racism, guys? Ok, granted, you guys are way smaller than everyone else, so, of course, everything appears a lot bigger to you than it would to us. But did Sparx the dragonfly let that get him down? No. He stayed and helped Spyro rescue all the dragons. Think about that for a second. You Reptools are literally more pathetic than someone who was voiced by David Spade, Billy West(who was actually a good choice, not gonna lie), and Wayne Brady. Fucking. Wayne. Brady.

Ok, I'm done.

So then, Ace literally threatens to get up inside the Trux and tear them apart, and they still let her tag along. This just proves how fucking stupid they are, too.

But here's an actually line of dialogue from Ton-Ton, "Look at that. They come in different colors."

Again, listen to that with your eyes closed, and try to take it seriously.

But wait, there's more!

We also get a scene where Revvit asks Click-Clack to fix a loose bolt on Skya's head, and we get an odd angle where she looks down and asks him, "Are you coming?"

I'm just gonna let that sink in.

But then, Scrapadactyls(ok, that's actually a pretty good name) come and fuck everything up by kidnapping the Reptools. They get dropped off in the nest, and Waldo gets pissed off and blames Revvit. And I totally agree with Waldo.

Revvit making Reptools come out of the safety of their ravine is literally the same as taking a fish out of water and expecting it to live. These guys haven't been out in the open once, and you think they're gonna know how to survive?! What the actual hell is wrong with you, Revvit?!

*opens a bottle of vodka*Sorry, I'm getting a little worked up again. I'll try to take it down a notch.

Anyway, Ty and the others come to the rescue, but still managed to fuck it up.

"What's the plan, Ty?"(canon line from Skya)

"Ta use that neck of yours~"(canon line from Ty)

*screen fades to black while sexy saxophone music plays, and we hear Ty and Skya grunting and panting lustfully*

You're welcome, Tya fans.

But I will admit, I laughed at the scene where Ty tried to knock down the nest, and somehow get stuck and lifts his huge ass off the ground. And how do the others help get him down? Simple, they don't. Fuckin' comedy gold.

But the Reptools are getting antsy, so Revvit throws some scrap down at Ty's head because he's just trying to look for someone else to blame. And after realizing that they can't rescue them by destroying the nest, they decide to build a set of stairs instead.

And boy, do they love their building montages. I'm talking animation that includes showing how everyone participated in helping, and even some corny-as-fuck rock music that's somehow supposed to apply to a certain age demographic.

Nice try, DreamWorks, but you're over twenty years late to the party.

But then, karma suddenly gets a sense of humor, and causes the Scrapadactyls to return, which ends with Revvit being the last one to escape. And while he's still stranded, what do the others do? They start beating the fuck out of each other.

Ok, one last out-of-context scene. Skya points her ass at Dozer, and is all, "Scrap me, Dozer!"(yeah, Ashleigh Ball actually said that)

And Dozer's like, "Happy to, Skya!"(again, their love-hate relationship is the probably the best you're going to get out of this series)

So, they keep knocking each other's teeth out, and throw them all at the Scrapadactyls as a distraction, allowing Revvit to finally escape. Luckily, the fall only caused him minor brain damage.

But even after they rescued the Reptools, Ace, Waldo and Click-Clack totally decide to puss out and go back to the ravine. Again, I'm not arguing with them on this. The Trux literally only wanted to use them as a repair service that can't fight back because they're too small.

But since he's a tenacious little bastard, Revvit all like, "Hold on! You guys can't just stand there and tell me you didn't enjoy any of that! Plus, you three are clearly too weird to get laid, so what's the point of going back to live with your own species?"

And Click-Clack's like, "Actually, there's this cute girl that I'm seeing right now, so-."

"Shut up, Click-Clack!"

So, not only does the audience learn something, but so do the Reptools: If you can't be socially successful in your own home, then it's best to just run away and help total strangers.


	3. Garage

Ok so, it's morning in Dinotopia, Ton-Ton's the first one out of bed after snortin' some cocaine, Dozer and Skya are still hung over form all the vodka last night, and Ty starts dry humping a rock because that's his usual morning exercise(as we've seen in the very first episode).

And Revvit's like, "Oh, good morning, Ty! You are awake just in time to go over the plans we made for the new garage we said we were going to build in the last episode."

And Ty's all, "Revvit, do ya hear that?"(actual line from Ty)

…

"That's the sound of me murdering and then raping your entire family if you don't shut the fuck up, and let me finish pumpin' this poor rock full of semen."

"Ty, I think there's somethin' very wrong with you."

"I'll say it again: I thought you Asians were supposed ta be smart."

So then, Red Dino and his friends try ta start building a garage that the Reptools specially designed for them, but they totally forgot that they've never actually socialized with anyone in real life, so they fuck it up and get in each other's way.

And then, HOLY SHIT! D-Structs, I totally forgot that you weren't in the last episode! Where were you, dude? Jerkin' off because you're sad and alone…not that I'd know what that's like or anything?

Anyway, D-Structs' tail is broken, so he goes and finds the most annoying yet relatable character in the show: Skrap-It.

Ok, pause for a sec here, guys, 'cause I gotta introduce ya'll ta this lovely little piece of work. First off, Skrap-It is a different species of reptile parody called "Scraptool," which is basically the end result of someone taking a welding tool to some Minions from Despicable Me, and mashin' 'em all together with the failed investors of coin and that preschool tool kit you got a as a Christmas present when you were five years old. Second, Skrap-It has this hilariously annoying twitch thing goin' on, and all I can say is that it reminds me of this nervous tick I had when I was younger where I would just flap my hands like a fuckin' retard. And third, as the series progresses, we see _a lot_ of obvious signs that Skrap-It is gay for D-Structs, and that he would totally suck his dick if it meant it could save his life.

And I'm just sittin' here thinkin', "Go get him, Skrap-It. All of us D-Structs fangirls and fanboys are rooting for you because unlike all of us, you actually have the one thing we will never have: A chance."

But even if we could somehow travel to the world of Dinotrux, and somehow court any of these characters, would we actually have a chance?(this is one of those realizations that make you want to give up on life)

Anyway, D-Structs is like, "Fix my tail, slave."

And Skrap-It's all, "Uh, I would, but I'm from South Korea. You want the guys up north since, ya know, their heads are so far up their asses that they'll always know how ta fix _any_ problem, as long as it benefits their country."

"Look, you're a Scraptool, right?"

"Yeah…"

"And you want scrap, right?"

"Yeah…"

"So, just help me murder this one guy, and you can take him apart ta your heart's content."

"Ok, but what's in it for me?"

"You can draw me in all your fanart, just don't publish it on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram."

"Deal!"

But as it turns out, Skrap-It can't fix D-Structs yet because he doesn't have the right…parts. Am I the only one that notices that this would be the exact same as a doctor in our world saying they don't have the right lung for the transplant, so they just leave you on the operating table to die?

Anyway, Skrap-It Mission: Impossible's himself onto Ty and the other's property to steal some bolts, and he learns two very important things in the process. One: Dinotrux are still racist assholes. And two: That racism is causing them to constantly be at each other's throats.

How do I know this? Well, Dunkin' Donuts keeps filling Tina's holes(in a very consensual way), and Toothbrush keeps throwing his rocks at Tall Orange Skittles' art project.

And Ace is like, "Uh, these guys have so much repressed depression and online flaming arguments that it's actually threatening to put a wedge between them all."

But Rev's all, "Yeah, that's to be expected from a group of fat people who've spent most of their lives in a dark room while jerkin' off into some old socks."

And Waldo's like, "What the hell are 'socks'?"

Anyway, Andrew T-Rex and the gang finally get the door frame built, but Matt Hillosaurus immediately fucks it up.

And then, Dozer starts bein' a sarcastic asshole, "Nice job with the glory holes, Ty."

And Ty's all, "Dude, those weren't fuckin' glory holes. There were supposed ta be for the foundation, dumbass. And maybe if you'd stop tryin' ta fuck every hole you see, you'd figure that out on your own."

"Hey, I'm a middle-aged man with anger issues and no girlfriend. Fucking random holes is what keeps me goin' everyday."

And then, we come the lesson of the episode, where one of the characters slowly spells it out and bang it into our skulls with a hammer and chisel.

So, Ty's all, "Ok, gang, all of this fighting isn't getting us anywhere, so let's just calm down and work together."

And Skya's like, "Seriously, Ty? Do we have to?"

"It's the only way we're gonna get paid."

"Alright, fine…*inhales deeply*You're right, Ty! We need to work together, like a team! Right, Dozer?"

"Absolutely, Skya! I'm totally ok with putting aside the images of burning all of your bodies, so that we can finish building this wonderful garage together!"

"I agree, Dudes!"

"Fuck off, Ton-Ton! This is your fault!"

But then, Skrap-It fixes D-Structs and tells him about how the others are constantly fighting, and D-Structs comes up with a plan to drive them all apart.

"Huh, so, if they're arguing just from physical activity, imagine the kind of rage they could aim at each other if their online lives were sabotaged. Hey, Skrap-It, you're Asian, so you can hack, right?"

And Skrap-It's all, "That is incredibly racist—but yes, I can."

So then, Skrap-It hacks into everyone's Facebook profiles, and turns 'em all against each other.

So, Skya's like, "God damnit, Ton-Ton! If ya didn't like my art projects, ya could've just said so! Ya didn't have ta post pictures of 'em on Facebook, and say some really mean shit!

But Ton-Ton's like, "Dude, how the fuck would I even operate a camera? I don't have any fuckin' fingers!"

And then, Skya says something that really surprised me, "I'm not a dude, either."

Oh, no…Skya is a raging feminist. Ok, look, before all of you sensitive people who are all preachy as fuck start bitching about it in the comment section, I know that not all feminists are stuck-up pieces of shit with their heads so far up their asses that they can't even tell a decent man apart from an actual dickhead. But there are obviously feminists out there who think that every single bag of flesh that has a penis is automatically a terrible person, and that the only superior race is the female race.

My point is, Skya is actually going through the cruelest irony in her life considering her neck is literally a representation of being a high and mighty dick.

Anyway, everyone's pissed at each other, so they snap and finally leave, leaving Ty alone ta cry about it like a bitchy, emo teenager. But just when he considers suicide, D-Structs shows up and ruins the ritual by pushing off of a cliff.

Wait…

D-Structs did it. He actually killed Ty. That means we no longer have to look forward to mind-numbing life lessons meant for fuckin' two-year-olds, or cheesy building montages with the worst kind of montage music. Yes, D-Structs, you've saved us all from a lifetime of having to watch such a degrading cartoon! Our prayers have been answered!

No, wait. Ty's still alive. DAMNIT!

Anyway, Rango goes and gets the build-a-bitch crew, and they rescue Ty, which totally pisses off D-Structs. So, he tries to go wreck their garage, but it's already finished and Ty's completely happy with rubbing it in his face.

"Hey, D-Structs? Do ya hear that?"

…

"That's the sound of you fucking me-I mean, me fucking you, and then feeding your broken body ta the Scrapadactyls."

"You may have won today, Ty, but this is only the beginning. I'll be back."

"Ok."

"You'll never know what hit you."

"Yup."

"I'll make you wish you were _never_ even born."

"Are you done?"

"Yeah, pretty much. But seriously, I'm gonna be back ta fuck you up."

But then, Ty starts letting his sexual fantasies run wild, "You sure you don't just mean 'fuck me'?"

And D-Structs is like, "No. Stop reading too much into everything I say."

And Ton-Ton's like, "Good luck tryin' ta stop him, dude. He's been watching too much CinemaSins lately, so he's become the ultimate analytical asshole."

…Fuck you, Ton-Ton.


	4. Scraptors

Guys, I'm sorry, but I fucked up. Apparently, after telling Ton-Ton to fuck off so much in the last episode, he decided to make this next one all about him. Again, I'm very sorry, but at least we'll suffer through this together.

Anyway, Speedy Blue and Red Rocket are tryin' ta knock each other's brains out by throwing rocks at each other when Ton-Ton gets in an accident and his dick falls off. And when we get to the garage, we find out that the Reptools have had to replace it at least three times.

At this point, I'm surprised they didn't just put a bullet through Ton-Ton's head.

But then, Yellow Grump suddenly gets attacked by a…"Scraptor?"

Ok, I know I've been pretty hard on DreamWorks for how terrible their naming systems are for the creatures in Dinotrux, but I actually really like what they did with the Scraptors. It's short, simple and really creative, and their designs are totally badass and they always makes me wanna watch the first(and best) Jurassic Park movie.

Anyway, they save Dozer by aggressively sandwiching it until it passes out from an orgasm marathon.

And Revvit's like, "Ok, Ton-Ton, just take this thing far enough away, and then put it out of it's misery without fucking it up."

And Ton-Ton's all, "Wait, why do I have to kill it? Wouldn't it just be easier ta leave it somewhere far away, and then leave?"

"Nope. These things are like illegal immigrants. They'll steal everything we have if we don't keep 'em at bay."

"Good point, dude."

So then, Blue drives off and blasts the Scraptor's head off with a hunting rifle, and pours some bleach down its throat just to be safe. But then, the rest of the Scraptor's pack catches him, and they get their revenge by tag-teamin' him until he blacks out and they take him to their secret lair.

And when Ton-Ton doesn't come back after a while, the others fight over who's gonna have to go look for him. Eventually, they decide to make Ty go out.

And so, Ty's like, "Hey, I already babysat the piece of shit for the day. It's your guys' turn ta watch him."

And Skya's like, "Yeah, but we weren't the ones who kept causing his dick to fall off with that stupid rock toss game, and the Reptools are the only ones who can fix that."

And Dozer's all, "And they're pretty pissed about that, and they said they won't fix us anymore unless you bring him back and fix his dick yourself."

"Alright, fine! Since you pussies are too lazy ta look for the retard, I'll just go!"

So then, Ty forces Revvit to come with him, and they find these tracks. But then, they find this tiny piece of metal sitting in the dirt.

And Ty's like, "What's that?"(actual line from the show)

And Revvit's like, "Dude, it's Ton-Ton's dick. It must've fallen off again."

"How do you know it's his?"

"I kept losing at Poker, so the others made me put it back whenever it fell off."

"So, did you, like…?"

"No, I did _not_ play with it before fixing it!"

"Uh, I wasn't going to say that you did. I was just gonna ask if you put that thing in the freezer 'cause it's fuckin' pitiful."

"Oh…r-right…I knew that."

"I wonder what happened."(actual line from Ty)

"There appear to be signs of a scuffle."(actual line from Revvit)

So, Ty's all, "So, it was rape?"

And Rev's all, "Uh, maybe? Why would you automatically assume that? I mean, the tracks here indicate that there were multiple Scraptors all at once, but-."

"Holy shit! That's worse! That means they tag-teamed his ass! We gotta get the others!"

Anyway, the Scraptors broke Ton-Ton's spine so that he couldn't flip back over, and they start draggin' him all the way to their lair, which is basically the equivilant to a Lindsay Lohan hotel room.

And Ton-Ton's like, "Hey, get your claws off my man junk! I just had that thing reinstalled…hey, wait…oh, God…MY DICK IS GONE! DID YOU FUCKERS EAT IT?!"

And then, we meet one of the best characters in the entire show: George the Dozeratops. Why is he the best? I'll tell you(all of my biased opinions).

George is obviously always high on weed, and I absolutely love characters like that. But they use this "hippy vibe" to cover it up since it's still a show for kids, and I'm just thinkin', "You DreamWorks bastards know _exactly_ what you're doing." George also reminds me so much of Tommy Chong, who is an acting legend. My only problem is that I wish they'd get some fast-talking, crackhead character to compliment his mellow personality.

Anyway, Ty and the others show up, but they realize that they're about ta walk right into the basement of a middle-aged, overweight man who spends too much time watchin' anime, trollin' people on the internet and jerkin' off.

And Skya's like, "I'm not goin' in there. There are cock socks and used flesh lights all over the fuckin' place."

And Dozer's like, "*scoffs*Women."

"What the fuck did you just say to me, you sexist pig?!"

"I said you're a basic bitch!"

"Oh, yeah? Call me a bitch again, I dare you!"

"You're a fucking bitch!"

"Fuck, yeah…call me a dirty whore."

"Oh, fuck. You're so fuckin' dirty, and you deserve ta be fucked six ways ta Sunday."

"Oh, yeah…you're such an asshole, but I fuckin' love it."

And Ty's like, "Are you guys done? We've still gotta save Ton-Ton from being trapped in the middle of a circle jerk."

And Skya's all, "I get the feeling he'll be happy ta see us."(actual line from the show)

But Rev's like, "Except he can't 'cause his penis is gone again."

So then, they go in because they remembered that Scraptors are never active at night since they're exhausted from watchin' so much porn and/or fuckin' like rabbits.

And Revvit's like, "Holy shit, look at all their stuff! They've got dakimakuras, flesh lights, blow-up sex dolls, hentai. They're livin' the fuckin' weeaboo dream here."

And Ty's all, "Rev, focus."(actual line in the show)

And Revvit's like, "_You_ focus! I'm shopping!"(another actual line from the show)

Aww, these two argue like a gay couple. Speakin' of which, I wonder who would do most of the fucking in their relationship. And if it's Ty, would Revvit actually survive his size?

Anyway, they find one of the Scraptor's 3-D printers to make some replacement treads for George after his old ones were stolen by the Scraptors with a foot fetish. But when they try ta fix Blue Retard's broken spine, he cries like a little bitch and wakes up the whole valley.

So then, Ty finds a grenade and pulls the safety pin, ultimately blowing up all the Scraptors in Weeaboo Valley.

And Revvit's like, "Damnit, Ty! You could've at least made sure the merchandise wouldn't get caught in the explosion first!"

And George is like, "Hey, don't worry, man. They put a magic charm on all their stuff ta make it indestructible. Everything should still be in one piece."

And Ty's like, "Everything except the Scraptors, which means all their stuff is now ours!"

So then, Ty and Revvit steal some anus flesh lights and tiny dildos, Skya and Dozer take some BDSM magazines, Ton-Ton takes some penis enlargement pills, and George packs some pot brownies for the road.

What's the lesson here? George makes every episode he's in much better, and there's nothin' you can say that'll change my mind.


	5. Pit

Oh, hey! It's another D-Structs episode…wait, it's also a Revvit episode.

DAMNIT!

So, Red and the others are cleanin' up the garage after it got fucked up last night from a rave. And as we all know: Raves and drunk dinosaurs don't mix.

And Revvit's like, "Ty, I think we should get a security camera system installed because I totally blacked out after you guys shoved me into a full bottle of whiskey."

And Ty's all, "Hey, don't worry, dude. All you did was Snapchat your ass all night, and everyone loved it. You'll be fine."

And Dozer's like, "Hey, watch where you're blowin' that stuff! It's gonna make me c…ah…ugh…"(actual line from the show)

And then, Dozer's cumshot blasts Revvit out the window.

"Has anybody seen Revvit?"(real dialogue from Ty)

"Uh…he just left."(real dialogue from Dozer."

Jesus Christ, Dozer! You seriously don't give a fuck about anyone, do you? I mean, I think it's funny as hell, but I guess you forgot that Ty and Revvit were the ones who even suggested that they save your ass from sinking into a tar pit. And because of that, you strike me as the kind of guy who would literally sit back while one of your friends get their heads chopped off, gang raped, and then get their genitals chopped off…all while watching.

Good job, DreamWorks. You've created a character who's into some twisted voyeurism.

Anyway, Ton-Ton's like, "Dude, I wish we could've had some daylight for the rave. All the bitches could've seen me pop some molly and do some sick stunts. I would've had my dick wet longer than Michael Jackson during a child porn video."

And Ty's like, "Dude, I'm sorry, but we still haven't been able ta recover your dick from Weeaboo Valley."

And then, Dozer's all, "Which means you're basically a woman now, so go make me a sandwich!"

And Ace is like, "Does that mean I can stop?"

"Get back in the kitchen, Ace!"

Anyway, Revvit comes back, and says they have a problem.

And Ty's like, "Rev, unless this problem is a dick measuring contest and they can't pick a winner, I'm not interested."

And Revvit's like, "No, dude. It's way worse. There's this big-ass tree that Skya tried ta pole dance on last night, and it fell onto the cable for the wifi router."

"Can't you just get a new one?"

"No, because all the bookmarked websites for porn and drug stores we uploaded to the cloud is on that router."

"Oh, shit! I forgot about that!"

"C'mon, we're not gonna let some freakishly large tree stand in our way, are we?"(real line from Ty)

"No!"(real line from the others)

"Technically, it is not longer standing."(real line from Revvit)

And then, holy shit, ladies and gentlemen! We have our first meme! This pissed off face that Ty gives Revvit is involved in the first Dinotrux meme I have ever seen. Not to quote too much, but it involves Ty shoving the tree up Revvit's ass if he didn't shut the hell up. And I couldn't find the creator of the meme, but it's from a site called "Funnyjunk" or something.

But seriously, just look up "Dinotrux memes," and it should be one of the first things to pop up. It's fuckin' hilarious.

Anyway, we get to the mind-numbing lesson of the episode where Ty tells Revvit that he's too small to do big-boy jobs.

And so, Ty's like, "Ok, dude, I know you're a small genius, but that's the problem: You're too small."

And Revvit's all, "Dude, that's completely racist and size-ist."

"Yeah, but I don't give a fuck."

"You're being an asshole, Ty."

"I may be an asshole, but at least I'm an asshole with a big heart."

Then, Revvit fucks off.

And then, we finally meet up with D-Structs, and he's all, "Ok, I gotta think of a plan ta kill Ty and his friends while making it look like I'm monologuing because you're too fuckin' retarded ta understand."

And Skrap-It's like, "Sorry, did you say something? I was too busy reading this awesome Play Tool magazine I found."

"Thanks for proving my point, you illiterate fuck."

"Look, if you wanna get rid of Ty, just start using exposition."

"Oh, yeah. I forgot that even existed. Ok, gimme a sec…*clears throat*There's no way I can beat all of Ty's friends all at once. If only there was a way for me to pick them off one by one, then I could totally-OH, SHIT!"

And Skrap-It's like, "Whoa, good job, D-Structs! Ya managed ta make a fuckin' sinkhole appear. That takes some serious exposition and monologuing concentration."

And D-Structs is like, "Alright, Skrap-It, time ta throw out Ty and his retards like yesterday's pile of shit."

So then, Skrap-It goes up to Skya and tricks her into saying "ligma," and being the huge feminist she is, she tries ta kill him when he says "ligma balls." But she's so blind with sexist rage, that she doesn't see the sink hole and falls in.

And then, D-Structs is like, "That's what you get for being a basic bitch, ya know."

And Skya's all, "Get the fuck down here, so that I can peg your sexist ass!"

"Nah, I think I'll just leave that to you and Dozer."

"Wait, how do you know about that?"

"I have a Skraptool. If I told him to watch a couple of Trux fuck just so that I could find out their weaknesses, he wouldn't argue."

And Skrap-It's like, "And he provides me with all my food, so it's not like I have a choice."

So then, Dozer and Ton-Ton get captured, too, and D-Structs throws them into his huge hole. And when Ty and Revvit go to look for them, Ty falls in, too.

And Ty's like, "God damnit, D-Structs! Ya can't just leave your dick out like that! It's distracting!"

And D-Structs is like, "It seems only fitting that your liking for penises was your undoing, you pathetic queer."

And then, Skrap-It's like, "So, what do we do with Revvit?"

And D-Structs is all, "Forget about him. He's literally as useless as a fuckin' butt plug."

"Because he _is_ the butt plug?"

"Exactly."

So then, Revvit fucks off again.

And just when D-Structs starts to put rocks in his hole(his only excuse is that he hasn't gotten laid in at least two years), Revvit comes back with a fuck-ton of Dragonflopters, and they start flying up his ass as a distraction.

And Ty's like, "Whoa, Revvit, how'd you get these Dragonflopters ta help you?"

And Revvit's like, "Well, Ty, I may be too small to move a tree, but I'm not too small for a bunch of Dragonflopters fuck me in return for their help."

So then, they build a ramp and climb out, and they push D-Structs in. But since he's a main character, he'll totally get out and we'll see him again in another episode.

And then, Ty's all, "Hey, Revvit? I'm sorry for bein' such a size-ist dickhead earlier. You totally deserve more credit."

And Revvit's like, "It's fine, man. Just don't ever tell me I'm too small again, or else I'm gonna stick a wishbone up your urethra."

Oh, and the lesson here is that it doesn't matter if your friend is the size of your dick. As long as your dick can do big things, so can they.


	6. Garby

Ok so, I'm pretty sure the entire Dinotrux staff(I do mean that as a double entendre) is drunk off their asses because they clearly forgot that Revvit literally just had a fuckin' episode. But hey, at least it's a Revvit torture porn.

Anyway, D-Structs tries ta get rid of our "heroes" by covering all the Pop Rox with herpes goo, which burns their mouths like hell.

And Revvit's like, "God damnit! D-Structs is at it again!"

And Skya's like, "Normally, I'd be down ta fuck him up, but all I want right now is my Nutella-covered snacks time."

And Ty's all, "And what? Just let D-Structs blow his load on our food again?"

And Rev's like, "You'd like that, wouldn't you?"

"Not this time. It doesn't matter how big your cock is, ya don't fuck with my food."

So then, Revvit tries ta look all important like he did in the last episode, and starts goin' on about building a storage area for their rock-hard food.

And Ty's like, "Alright, Revvit, since you proved yourself in the last episode, I'm gonna give you an impossible job of someone your size: Finding the right building material while finding a one-off character that pisses you off."

And Revvit's all, "Fuck you, Ty."

So, Ty completely ignores Revvit's suggestions, and takes him to a heard of living trash bags(with awesome armor and spikes): Garbage Truck Dinos.

And Revvit's like, "Dude, I appreciate the determination, but this isn't a video game. If we piss off these trash bags, we _will_ have a bad fuckin' time."

And Ty's like, "I know, I've fucked one before. They're pretty chill once ya get ta know 'em."

So, Ty tries ta talk to them, but they all fuck off because they're racist and pussies, but there's still one left.

And he's like, "Hey, man, name's Garby. What's up?"

And Ty's all, "See? Chill."

And Revvit's all, "You slept with this one, didn't you?"

And Garby's like, "Actually, I heard about you guys on Instragram. And even though you're all fuckin' weirdos, you make me laugh hard enough to prevent me from killing myself every night."

And then, Red Rocket introduces Sans-Green-Dino to his gang, but he makes things awkward by talking on and on about ways he thought about committing suicide.

And Dozer's like, "You're one of them rock eaters, huh? I can respect that—as long as you stay away from my mound!"(canon dialogue)

I have two things to say about this. One: Those "rocks" you're referring to help end countless lives of lonely people, so fuck you, Dozer. And two: We all know you'd totally want Garby ta shit in your mouth because you spend every waking moment of your life giving other people bullshit, that you need to refill on physical shit whenever you can.

Anyway, Ty tells Revvit ta help Garby look for the right kind of rocks, but the little bastard's totally pissed off from being ignored so much. But it turns out that Garby has to ability to eat almost anything, and then pop back out the other end in a compacted cube of rocks.

And it was at this moment that I knew _exactly_ what was going to happen next.

Ya know, Dinotrux staff, you're long, hard, and throbbing with utter retardedness ninety-nine percent of the time, but you sometimes(keyword: sometimes) know when to bestow the raw justice required whenever your characters act like tools(both the asshole and pussy king).

So, Garby finds the right rock, called "Deus-ex-machinite," and Revvit's like, "Alright, we got what we came for, so you can fuck off now."

And Garby's like, "Oh, uh, you sure I can't go with you guys? I mean, I got nothin' ta do and no friends ta ask anything else of me, so I just thought…"

"Sorry. Ever since he had that dildo removed from his ass, Ty's already taken the spot of 'retard with troubling bowel movement'."

So now, Garby's all depressed that he couldn't make any friends, so he tries to overdose on some pills, but accidentally eats Revvit in the process because…well, let's face it, Revvit's so full of complicated numbers and shit, that you'd probably confuse him for some xanax, too.

Also, there's a part in this episode, where, if you pause it at just the right time when Ty asks where Revvit is, I swear, he'll make a nightmare-inducing face. Just…just trust me on this…he literally looks right at the fuckin' camera, but his pupils are gone and he looks so soulless and miserable.

Anyway, Revvit's still alive, and he's trapped in Garby's stomach.

And Rev's like, "Well, this is just about as sophisticated as a mall in Detroit or Cleveland, Ohio."

So then, Green Bean's nearly killed by a bunch of Saw traps, and then knocked into a second stomach, and then another, and another…

And he's like, "Oh, for fuck's sake! He's got more stomachs than JoeysWorldTour!"

But Garby's still desperate for attention, so he goes back and is all, "Hey, guys, anything I can help with?"

And Dozer's like, "Yeah, you seen the tiny grammar Nazi anywhere?"

"Grammar Nazi? …Oh, you mean, Revvit! Yeah, when I saw him last, he told me ta fuck off, and then left…I think."

And Ton-Ton's like, "Hey, dude, I'm the only one that gets ta sound that unsure when I say 'I think'…since it's basically a rarity in itself."

And Skya's like, "Well, obviously, D-Structs kidnapped him."

And Ty's like, "I see no reason to argue with that. Let's go fuck up a ghetto T-Trux, guys!"

"You're just using this as an excuse ta try and suck his dick again, aren't you?"

"Can't argue with that logic, either."

So, they break into D-Structs' place, and he's like, "Jesus Christ, what the fuck is wrong with your guys?!"

And Ty's all, "Not enough."

"The hell do you queers want now?"

"We want Revvit back. We know you took him—probably ta freeze him in carbonite, and use him ta make some awesome-as-fuck dildo, right?"

"You _would_ do that, wouldn't you?"

"Like you gotta ask, Big Boy."

"Alright, shut up! Get the fuck outta my cave!"

But then, Garby starts having an allergic reaction to all the pills, and finally shits out a cube with Revvit inside.

And Revvit breaks out, and he's like, "You mother-fucking, inbred, herpes-ridden, piece of shit! You fucking ate me!"

And Garby's like, "Huh. So, I'm not wackestone-intolerant."(real line from Garby)

And Ty's all, "Nope. You're pain-in-the-ass intolerant, just like the rest of us."

And Skya's like, "Hate ta burst the analytical crap, but we're still trapped."

"Wait, what?"

"Yeah, D-Structs caved in the entrance when we weren't looking."

"Oh, shit. Must've blacked out for a sec there…I was too busy thinkin' about D-Structs pounding me with his huge, veiny, succulent-."

And Garby's like, "Jesus fuckin' Christ! I thought I had problems, but you're on a whole other level of fucked up!"

And Revvit's like, "Look, you found us a Deus ex machina before, so do ya think you could do it again?"

"Sure thing, bro."

So, Garby eats his way through the rocks and frees everyone, and they totally start sucking his dick(not literally…a Stegarbasaur's genitals are literally covered in shit all the time, so don't do it…unless you're into that, you sick fuck) for doing such a good job.

And Ty's like, "Ok, Garby, you're cool and all, but, like, don't try ta eat one of our friends during another one of your binge eating sessions, alright?"

And Revvit's like, "Actually, Ty, it was not so bad. In fact, thanks to Garby, I know something even better than a lava rock-feldspar combination to use for the ore station."(real dialogue from Revvit)

And Ton-Ton's all, "Dude, seriously? You know where those came from right?"(real dialogue from Ton-Ton)

"Yes. Intimately. But take it from me, they are just tightly compacted rocks and pebbles. Strong, too."(canon dialogue)

No, fuck you, Revvit! This doesn't normally happen, but I'm with Ton-Ton on this one. Not only is this fuckin' gross, but think about this for a second. If a fucking Reptool could break out of those cubes, then what the fuck is gonna stop D-Structs or literally anyone else from breakin' that shit?!

*sigh*This is what I get for being a physical human being that exists in the real world instead of a fictional character that would at least try to knock some sense into these people.

Anyway, they build the ore station, and Garby's like, "Hey, sorry for eating you, man. I wasn't paying attention."

And Revvit's like, "I'll forgive you if you promise to eat the other Reptools."

"Why do you want that?"

"They fucked me over in a game of Mario Kart 8."

"Seems fair ta me."

So, moral of the story is that not all side characters are complete dickheads bent on ruining the show with their retardation…most of the time.


	7. Desert

I am so fucking excited for this episode. Why is that? Oh, you will see soon enough.

So, Red and his buddies are playing a game of football(the American kind, you uncultured swine), and the ball totally beams D-Structs in the face and he's pissed.

And he's like, "Good fucking God, Ty is absolutely degrading and raping the reputation of T-Trux everywhere by playing games with those inferior races. It's fucking disgusting."

And Skrap-It's like, "You think they're into water sports? I keep tryin' ta look up interspecies piss play online, but I can't find anything, so I figured I might as well catch it in live action."

"Shut the hell up, and clean up this mess!"

"Oh, sorry! That's my new exotic porn collection. I just started it a couple days ago. Wanna see?"

"No."

"C'mon, there's some really cool, multi-colored schlongs in here, and they're even put ta good use in mid-air. I kid you not. They have aerial fucking, and it's awesome."

"I said no!"

So then, D-Structs burns all of Skrap-It's porn, and he's all depressed.

And he's like, "No! Why, God, why?! I was gonna beat my meat ta that later tonight! Do you have any idea how much this shit costs?!"

And D-Structs is like, "I do, actually. But I know exactly where you can get more for free."

And then, D-Structs tells Skrap-It about Garby's "Two Girls, One Cup" porn stash, so he goes and steals it.

And Garby's like, "Wait…wait, hold on…where…WHERE THE FUCK IS IT?!"

And they're like, "Where's what?"

"My porn, man! I can't find it! I stashed it in Revvit's computer for safe keeping!"

And Rev's all, "Well, that would explain where all those new folders came from."

"You guys gotta help me! I keep some extra copies in a hidden chest out in the desert. Can you go get it for me?"

"Why can't you go get it?"

"I accidentally mistook some pills for laxative, so I gotta stay as close to a toilet as possible. There obviously aren't any toilets in the desert, so I'm gonna use yours."

And Ton-Ton's like, "Dude, that place is dangerous. It's hot and it's got, like, no end."(real dialogue in the show)

And Garby's all, "It will be when I'm done with it."

So, they all head off and go over their survival checklist. They left Ty in charge of gathering the water(remember this), and they left Skya in charge of Click-Clack because he hasn't gotten one of his special "coming out" episodes yet, and neither has she(this is also important).

And Skya's like, "Calm down, man. We'll be fine."

And Tic-Tac's like, "You shut the fuck up right now, or I'm telling _everyone_ your secret, you prejudice whore."

"You wouldn't dare."

"Try me, bitch."

And then, Ty's like, "Alright, bitches! We're headin' off to a desert, and we're about to get hammered as fuck!"

And Dozer's like, "Uh, why would we be getting drunk out here? That's, like, a death wish."

"We're not _getting_ drunk. We _are_ drunk!"

"You mean, _you're_ drunk?"

"Yup. Speakin' of which, Ton-Ton, can you pass me a bottle?"

"Of water?"

"No, of whiskey, you pussy!"

And Rev's like, "God damnit, Ty! You replaced all the water with alcohol again!"

And Ty's all, "Uh, there was never any water in the first place. I don't drink that fancy, pansy shit."

Then, they find an oasis with an x in the ground, and they dig up the chest with Garby's extra porn in it.

And Revvit's like, "C'mon, let's get hydrated before we head back! That means you, Ty!"

And Ty's like, "No! I told you, I don't drink water. My diet is ninety percent fructose corn syrup and alcohol, so drinkin' water just opens the floodgates in my ass."

"Ty, that's not only anatomically incorrect, but I'm pretty sure your ass couldn't get any more 'open' than it already is."

"Good point, dude. I'm still gonna stick with vodka."

"I thought you said you packed whiskey."

"I already drank it all, so I switch it up."

Also, hey, George is here, and I'm already feelin' much better about watching this episode! It's a two-for-one!

And George is like, "What's up, guys? I've just been stuck here for two weeks, but I'm still alive for some reason."

And they're like, "What the hell are you doin' out here, man?"

"I got hit with a bad case of Gag Character-itus, so I can't move or die until you guys take me with you…please?"

And then, they try to go back home, but D-Structs totally had this fool-proof plan ta fuck up their land marks, so that they'd get lost and die a slow and painful death in the scorching heat.

And so, it begins. The whole reason why I was looking forward to this episode: Ty gets so drunk off his ass that he goes from Alabama levels of retarded to autistic levels of retarded.

So, Ty can't even tell what's left or right, or that he's bein' baked like cookies, and he's like, "Hey, do these dunes look like Skya's tits ta you?"

And Revvit's like, "Skya doesn't have tits. No female in this era of time has tits."

"You sure? 'Cause they look a lot alike. I mean, they're big, dry, cracked, and they won't stop bouncin'."

"Ty, if you don't drink something that doesn't contain alcohol in it soon, you're gonna die."

"At least I'll die with all you guys…'cause I totally love ya'll, you hornswagglin' hornswaggles…"

"Jesus Christ, he's gone southern."

So then, my beloved fellow fans of Dinotrux, we witness Ty's psyche at its most vulnerable and vodka-induced state

And Ty's like, "This water's very…very gritty. I like it."(canon dialogue)

And Rev's like, "That's not water. That's dried Scraptor shit."

And Skya's all, "This is funny, but I'd hate ta be charged with second-degree murder again."

And Ton-Ton's like, "Nah, leave him alone for another five minutes or so. I haven't had anything ta post on Instagram lately, so this is gonna have ta do."

And while Ty's busy screechin' his head off tryin' ta sing Bees Gees' "Stayin' Alive," Revvit and the others start building a plot device to help them get home. And since Skya's the tallest and the one with the ironic fear of heights, they make her use it.

And then…I'm sorry, I can't focusXD

Ty's fuckin' alcohol-induced dicking about session is literally one of the greatest things I've ever seen in my life, and I can't get over the fact that I would honestly take advantage of this and just ride his giant, throbbing, pulsing…sorry, I got off topic again.

Hold on, I gotta get a drink to reassess myself…*downs a two liter of Mountain Dew*…ok, I think I'm good for now.

By the way, there's a scene where Ty totally tries to suck off a rock because he though it was a giant dick. I'm serious. That's exactly what he did. Oh, and he starts thinking he's a smoke machine, too, and he tries to do close-up magic.

Anyway, Skya starts freakin' the fuck out because of her stupid and totally unexpected fear of heights. And Cock-Sock just gives her a look that threatens to kill and rape her entire family after he told everyone about her secret, so she pusses out and blurts it out ta everyone anyway.

And they're like, "Dude, we literally don't give a fuck. Either get up there and point us back home, or fall off and be remembered as a literal and figurative giant cunt!"

So, Skya climbs up and finds the way back, and they head back beat the fuck out of D-Structs with more footballs.

And Garby's like, "Oh, thank God! You guys found it! I can't thank you enough!"

And Ace and Waldo are like, "Never, ever, _ever_ use our bathroom again, and we'll call it even."

And Revvit's all, "And we gotta thank Click-Clack for threatening Skya. If he hadn't, we never would've gotten home, and Ty would've died of alcohol poisoning."

And Ty's like, "I didn't get weird, did I?"(canon dialogue)

"Dude, I'd stay off the internet for a while, especially Instagram."

"Oh, shit. Ton-Ton posted videos of me on his account, didn't he?"

"Yup."

"Damnit! I'm gonna be Instagram's butt maid for the next couple weeks."

"Yeah, but at least that's your fetish."

What's the moral? Um…retrieving your friend's porn leads to overloading on alcohol, and being humiliated online…I guess.


	8. Tortools

Ok so, Ty starts havin' an eloquent conversation with himself, which is pretty much normal by now, but it still freaks out all of his friends.

And so, Revvit's like, "Ty, I'm pretty sure this counts as borderline mental health issues."

And Ty's like, "You fuckin' serious? Look, dude, before I met all you guys, I was literally forced ta live on my own because my parents kicked me out and everyone else thought I was dangerous. Talking to myself was literally the only reason why I didn't just end it all before now."

Then, Dozer shows up, and he's being all grumpy and shit because he's like me whenever I'm hungry: Bitchy and ready ta kill a person on sight. But the others already ate everything thing else they had, which sends Dozer into another spiral of deeply and thoroughly planning how he's gonna slowly and painfully murder everyone.

So, they go grocery shopping, and Dozer buys some exotic eggs for tomorrow's breakfast. But it turns out that the eggs are harboring an endangered turtle species called "Tortools"(I actually really like that name), and their purpose in this fucked up ecosystem is pretty much equivalent to that of a Reptool…except they don't talk…for some reason.

And since this is a Dozer episode, the Tortools hatch right then and there and they think that he's their mom.

And Rev's all, "Well, Dozer, looks like they've imprinted. You're their mom now."

And Dozer's like, "What?! Oh, hell no! I tried this parenting business once, and it ended in a mass genocide, followed by the jurisdiction of my herd that I could either leave or get a vasectomy! I obviously left, but I ain't goin' through that shit again!"

"Wait, you were a dad once?"

"Revvit, for your own safety, I suggest you don't ask."

"Either way, they're your responsibility now."

"Damnit! This is the second time I've ended up havin' ta take care of kids by an illegitimate accident! Why does this always happen ta me?!"

And Skya's like, "Reverse daddy issues. Kinky~"

So, Dozer tries ta murder the baby turtles, but they stop him because they're endangered. So instead, they knock them unconscious and run away before they can follow them, but they follow them anyway.

And Dozer's like, "I'm gonna say it: Kids are like STDs. They're nearly impossible ta get rid of when ya get 'em, and the only way ta deal with 'em is with surgery or overdosing on medication. Speakin' of which, anyone seen Garby? He could probably help us with that last bit."

So then, the Tortools start trashing the place and sexually harassing everyone, even to the point of nearly makin' Ty transition into one of his female OCs from his fanfics.

And Ty's like, "Be honest. Do you think D-Structs, or literally anyone with a big schlong, would like it?"

And Revvit's like, "If I was a T-Trux, you might've had me fooled. But there's still one problem with this."

"What's that?"

"You're fuckin' ugly either way."

"That's fair."

And then, there's this really confusing yet undeniably interesting scene where Ty gets repainted red, and Skya's like, "I thought you looked kinda cute in green."(canon dialogue)

And Ty's like, "Uh…really?"(canon dialogue)

"Hell no."

Lemme pause and break this down for a sec here. Sure, we never really get any love interests in the show, let alone for Ty(aside from the possibility of Rexxie, but we'll get to that later). Point is, Skya may be a sexist cunt who only gets off from being physically and verbally degraded, but she obviously still let's her guard down from time to time.

Granted, those times are rare in and of themselves, but the fact that she even considered saying that out loud directly to Ty tells me one thing: She still wants to find true love someday, and the only decent/big dicked guy she knows is Ty. Basically, the possibility of her having a romantic fondness towards him is very subtle, but definitely there.

Anyway(got a bit off topic there), Revvit says he's got a plan ta rid of the Tortools by taking them back to their nest, but they can't find momma turtle anywhere. So, they wait around for her to come back, and the Tortools start getting under Dozer's skin because they start mimicking him, and that's only appealing to him because it strokes his already bulging ego.

So, they decide to stop waiting and go look for momma turtle, and they make Dozer stay behind ta watch 'em. But he fucks up and looses them all. And he realizes that since these tiny creatures are the only ones that look up to him, he cares about them enough to look for them and save them from dying horrifically.

And Dozer's like, "Ya know, you little pains in the asses might not be so bad after all. That being said, how would you guys like ta learn how ta professionally fuck holes in the ground?"

Meanwhile, the others are out lookin' for the mom turtle.

And Ty's like, "Man, we could sure use some plot convenience right now."

And Revvit's all, "You just said the magic words, dude. Look."

And then, they find some adult Tortool tracks, and follow them into a valley where the mom turtle is about ta be eaten alive by a bunch of Scrapadactyls.

And Ty's like, "Alright, I'm goin' in!"

And Revvit's like, "Normally, I'd encourage someone's decision ta commit suicide, but I'm pretty sure I'd rather have you go out in a more dignified way."

"That's where you're wrong, Rev. I'm not gonna die because I've got something that no Scrapadactyl can beat."

"And what's that?"

"Weaponized ugliness."

So then, Ty shows off his body and makes all the Scrapadactyls cringe to death, and they save the mom turtle and bring her back. but Dozer gets all depressed because he actually started to like hangin' out with the kids.

And Revvit's like, "Alright, quit mopin'. We went to court with the real mom, and she said the kids can come over to see you every weekened."

And Dozer's all, "Aww, really? Thanks, guys. I'm not bein' sarcastic either. I really appreciate this. I forgot how fun kids were—when they're not bein' total pieces of shit, at least."

And then, Ty's like, "Hey, guys! Check me out! What do ya think of my new polka-dot paint job?"

And they're like, "Holy shit! It looks like someone shined a black light through Swiss cheese!"

Also, there are two lessons in this episode. One: Ugly people have uses, too. And two: Kids are absolutely fuckin' terrible, but they're not as bad if you don't have to pay child support.


	9. Sandstorm

So, the guys are playin' a game of golf on Wii Sports, but Ty starts bitching because he keeps losing and T-Trux are known for their terrible tempers(hooray, more stereotyping).

And he gets so mad that he punches a big-ass hole in the ground, which…creates a geyser for some reason? Ok, I'm no scientist, but I'm pretty sure that's not how geysers are made. From what I've read, geysers are pressurized tubes and columns of water in the ground that burst from too much pressure. Even if there was enough pressure, it would've erupted on its own, not from some dumbass punchin' holes in the ground.

Anyway, they plug up the hole with one of Ty's butt plugs, and then Skya shows up outta nowhere.

And she's like, "What the hell're you doing out here?! Didn't you watch the weather channel this morning?!"

And they're like, "Uh, no. We're not crusty, old cunts who enjoy that shit like you."

"There's a fuckin' sandstorm comin', dickheads!"

So, they run(sorry, "drive") back to the garage, but they suddenly remembered that they never built a fuckin' door for the building. And all I can say about this is, "You were dropped on your head when you were babies, weren't you?"

Anyway, Red Rocket and Green Bean go off ta find a big enough rock ta block the entrance, and the others puss out and stay back at the garage.

Also, I won't lie, there's a couple scenes where Ty's pickin' up this rock, and the camera angle we're given makes me think I'm about ta get fucked by Ty…and I'm not complaining.

And then, Ty drags the rock back and covers the doorway, but Revvit's suddenly gone missing.

And Ty's like, "Damnit, he's probably still outside! I'm gonna go look for him!"

…

"Yup, totally gonna go look for him."

…

"By myself."

…

"With no help."

"Just shut up and do it already, you fuckin' pussy!"

So, Thicc Red Boi leaves to look for Revvit, and Ace is like, "Ok, I know I probably should've said something sooner, but there's a chance that Ty's gonna get raped ta death if he stays out there too long."

And they're like, "Wait, what? Why?"

"I once knew this guy who loved performin' stunts, but he got caught in a sandstorm and it fucked up his gears so bad that he couldn't move. He was gang-raped by a bunch of Scraptors, and he eventually died of aids."

"So…do we _have_ to help him?"

"Yeah, probably."

Meanwhile, Ty finds Revvit and saves his scrawny ass, but then he locks up and can't move. Then, the others show up, but they fuck up the rescue and get stuck, too.

And then, they smell Garby coming from a mile away since they never shower, and he pulls the other Reptools outta his ass ta save the day.

And they're like, "What're you doing out here?!"

And Ace is like, "We figured we'd come out here, and one of two things would happen. One: We'd save you guys. Or two: We'd watch you get fucked ta death. I don't really care what happens, but we got nothin' better ta do."

So, they un-jam Ty's jaw, and he's like, "Phew! Finally! I was afraid I'd never be able ta suck dick again. How much longer until you can unblock my ass, Rev?"

And Rev's like, "It would go a lot faster if we could spray in more than one direction at once."(canon dialogue)

But then, a bunch of horny Scraptors show up and try ta fuck 'em, but Ace starts Deus ex machinas the hell out of 'em with a bunch of rocks to the face.

And Revvit's like, "We can't keep doin' this, guys. More Scraptors are just gonna keep showin' up, and we'll all by fucked."

And Ty's all, "I hate ta say it, but I think we need—a shower."

So, after they all come down from their shock, they build a car wash over the geyser(because it totally wasn't plot convenience or foreshadowed to be helpful later on).

And Revvit's like, "Ty, get in there! We have to get the others! The Scraptors are coming!"(canon dialogue)

And Ty's like, "Already? Goddamn, and I thought _I_ always came too quickly."

So, Ty washes up first, and the others go in next, and they finally get the fresh sensation of not being covered in crusty come and sweat anymore. They kicks the Scraptors' asses, and they start celebrating how great it feels to be clean for once.

And Ty's like, "This is great! We avoided death again, and with this new shower, we can fuck whatever we want and wash the aids out before it can kill us."

And they're all, "Uh, Ty, that's not even remotely how it works."

"Welp, wish I'd known that sooner."

What's the moral? Cleanliness is close to not getting your cooches and dicks eaten by a bunch of aids(sort of).


	10. Fake Ravine

Alright, guys. We're finally here: The end of the beginning, and it was… pretty boring, actually.

So, Click-Clack's back in the hood and he's tryin' ta get some pussy, but fails miserably because he's a little bitch.

And Revvit's like, "Um, what're you doing?"

And Click's like, "Tryin' ta get laid. What else?"

"Man, if you can literally OD by just taking one pill of Viagra, you might as well just give up."

So, they fuck off after getting some more supplies from the ravine, and they head back to the garage. The others are all racin' to the Trux wash because they're excited about the new sex toys the Reptools installed ta make showering more fun. 'Cause let's face it: Bathing is boring unless you're masturbating.

And Ty's like, "Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah, that's the stuff!"(canon dialogue)

And Skya's all, "Ty, I swear ta God! If you wear out those new Bad Dragon dildos before we get a chance ta use 'em, I'm kickin' your fruity ass!"

So, they finish relieving themselves, and the Reptools come back. And they're like, "Jesus fucking Christ! How do you guys still smell so bad after a shower?!"

And Ty's like, "We just never use the soap, dude. It's too expensive, and Dozer's probably gonna rape us if we drop any."

And Ton-Ton's like, "Hey, guys! Look, I exist!"

And they're all just like, "Dude, just wait for your own episode like the rest of us."

Also, hey look! It's D-Structs again!

I honestly wish I could say I don't forget about him a lot, but with how much they put gaps between his episodes, it's kinda hard not to.

Anyway, D-Structs is like, "God damnit, Skrap-It! I told you not to eat those spicy burritos! Now, the whole fuckin' cave smells like ass and sex!"

And Skrap-It's all, "Isn't that a good thing, though? I mean, it might help attract more bitches because it pretty smells like you get laid every night, and that's a dream worth following."

"Not when it smells like ya just fucked a homo in the sewers. Plus, I just figured it out. It's Ty and his gang of retards again, as always."

"So, what're we gonna do about 'em this time?"

"The same thing we always do: Watch them angrily from a distance, and maniacally plan schemes ta get rid of 'em that we may or may not explain later."

Anyway, back at the garage, Revvit's tryin' ta help Skya practice taking an inflatable knotting dildo for the upcoming annual Knotty Furry Convention.

But she's all, "Ow. Ow."(canon dialogue)

And Rev's all, "I am sorry. Hold on."(canon dialogue)

*grunting and metal screeching)

"In case you missed it the first time: OW!"(more canon dialogue)

"I do not understand. This should fit."(even more canon dialogue)

(I know I don't normally add this much canon dialogue all at once, but it just fits so well.)

"It would have fit better if you'd just measured my pussy like I asked!"

"Yeah, no. I already explained this back in episode one: I nearly drowned in a giant cunt before, so I'm not riskin' it again."

So, he tries to remove the dildo, but it's suddenly stuck so far up her cooch that it makes a horrible scraping noise that no one can stand.

And Revvit's like, "Damnit, we're outta lube. I'll go get some more tomorrow."

*more screeching metal sounds*

"Nevermind. I'll go now."

So, Revvit heads back to the old reptile hood to buy some Nutella-scented lube for Skya, but it turns out that Skrap-It followed him there. And, as we all know, Reptools and Skraptools clash like Grove vs. Ballas.

And Revvit's like, "What the fuck are you doing here?"

And Skrap-It's like, "Just, uh, pickin' up some dick soap for D-Structs."

"Don't you mean, 'dish' soap?"

"No. Dick soap. My homie's always covered in bitches, and he needs special soap and assistance ta clean his dick on a nightly basis. Frankly, I'm the only person who volunteered."

"You would, wouldn't you?"

Anyway, they fuck off, and Skrap-It's like, "So, turns out I forgot that even though he's still pretty retarded, Revvit's technically the smartest one and he saw me."

And D-Structs is like, "Did you at least get my dick soap?"

"Sure did!"

"Good. Get a wash cloth and mop ready 'cause I just had an epiphany(when characters have epiphanies, they usually have huge orgasms)."

So, Revvit goes back, and he's all, "Guys. I think the ravine's fucked."

And they're like, "Why?"

"'Cause Skrap-It just followed me there. And obviously, if Skrap-It's involved, so is D-Structs."

Then, D-Structs shows up outta nowhere, and he and Ty try ta fuck each other up. He fucks off five seconds later, and then Click-Clack's suddenly disappeared.

So, D-Structs and Skrap-It try to interrogate Click-Clack, but he's such a giant pussy that all he does is spazz out and scream.

And D-Structs is like, "Damnit, why'd you have ta get the biggest bitch in the bunch?"

And Skrap-It's like, "Well, you just answered your own question. Waldo's a big black guy, so fuckin' with him is a death wish. Ace is voiced by every cartoon sassy black woman ever, so I'm not goin' anywhere near her screechy ass. And I already tried Revvit, so that just left this one."

"Yeah, alright. Fair point. Guess the only thing left ta do now is kill 'em."

"Uh, what? Why the fuck would you do that?"

"'Cause he's useless now. Duh."

Ok, for once, it seems that the common sense switch is turned in Skrap-It's direction because D-Structs clearly isn't considering the obvious choice of holdin' Click-Clack hostage. And when the others show up to draw him out and try to save Click-Clack, he literally falls for the diversion and leaves him alone.

Maybe the stupidity is an allergic reaction to the new brand of dick soap or something. I dunno.

Anyway, while D-Structs is distracted, Revvit sneaks in and he's like, "Alright, CC. Remember when you were tryin' ta get some tiny, scaly pussy earlier?"

"Um, yeah? What does that have ta do with anything? Just get me the hell outta here!"

"Can't, dude. You need to stay here and lead D-Structs on a wild goose chase. Just think of all the tiny, scaly ass you'll be saving, and it'll all be yours for the taking if you just do this one thing. Got it?"

"That's…actually a very compelling argument."

Anyway, Ty and the others keep tryin' ta fuck of D-Structs, but Revvit comes back and tells 'em ta stop, and then D-Structs races back home.

And Ty's like, "So, what's the plan? 'Cause we just thought we'd fight D-Structs until he got too tired, and I'd call dibs on his dick."

And Revvit's like, "Actually, we're just gonna do what we normally do: Build something absolutely boring, and we'll do it completely off-screen because no one likes building montages anymore."

So, D-Structs realizes somethin's up when he sees that Click-Clack hasn't moved, and he's like, "Alright, tell me what the fuck's goin' on!"

And CC's like, "Ok, ok! Damn! Don't get your panties in a twist! If you wanted ta know everything so bad, all ya had ta do was ask."

"Finally."

"Ok so, it's morning in Dinotopia, and…"

"Oh, no…"

And Skrap-It's like, "What's wrong?"

"He's doing a past episode recap!"

"Shit! Block him out, D-Structs!"

"I can't! It's like a train wreck! It's horrible and I wanna look away, but I just can't!"

So, Click-Clack rambles on about recaps all night long, and he finally spills the beans in the morning. D-Structs once again seems to be going along on a retarded streak, and buys everything he says and followed him to the "hood."

Revvit and the other Reptools are already waiting there, and D-Structs tearing everything up. But he gets blindsided, and Revvit gets rescued while the Trux set off a Home Alone-style trap that hacks off his…

Holy shit. They cut off his tail. They fucking. Cut off. HIS TAIL. They might as well have cut his fucking dick off, for Christ's sake! Not only is a T-Trux's tail its first and best line of defense, but it's literally an indication of how much sex and/or respect they can earn on their own. A T-Trux without its tail is literally a pair of testicles without the dick.

So, after circumcising the poor bastard, Ty and the others throw away D-Structs' tail and get the lube they needed ta free the dildo from Skya's cooch.

And Ty's like, "Hey, where's Click-Clack?"(canon dialogue)

And Revvit's like, "Well, I promised him a lot of glorious pussy when this was all over, so he's probably back out there chasin' some tail again. But ya know what? I don't even care because he earned it."

This episode also has two morals. One: The irresistible power of pussy and ass can motivate anyone to do amazing things. And two: Make sure you check what's in your soap before using it on your dick.


	11. New Tail

So, after D-Structs got his dick chopped off, Skrap-It, being the totally straight and not-thirsty-for-big-black-dick-at-all guy that he is, tries to make him a new one. But he fucked up.

And D-Structs is like, "God damnit! The one guy I know who actually likes my dick so much that he stalks me on Facebook, and he's the one ta hack off my junk! Why does the universe have to be so ironically cruel?!"

And Skrap-It's like, "Uh, I like you enough to stalk you if that's what you want."

"Shut the hell up. I never needed a wrecking ball ta do some damage, anyway. I'm a Goddamn T-Trux!"

"Well, that raises an interesting question. Does the tail make the Trux, or is it the other way around?"(canon dialogue)

It's definitely the tail, dude. Definitely the tail.

Anyway, Ty and company are having a rock "smashing" contest, and Ty totally wins because he practices by fucking rocks every morning.

(I'm lying. Skya won, but I don't wanna hurt Ty's feelings because he acts like a fuckin' toddler if he loses.)

And so, Rev's like, "What the hell are you guys doing?"

And they're like, "Smashing rocks like you asked. Duh."

"No, I asked you morons to collect rocks for a depot, not make a game out of it."

"Yes, but now that you know about it, you've gotta play it, too. Plot rules, not mine."

"Whatever. We'll play later. Garby says we gotta find some soft rock called Taco-lite."

Then, they run into D-Structs. They fight a bit, but the ground gives out from underneath them due to their big dicks(most of them, anyway), and D-Structs gets trapped in a ditch with a bunch of Scraptors.

And Dozer's like, "Sweet! We can let D-Structs get killed, and we won't have anymore trouble. Problem solved."

And Ty's all, "We can't just leave him like that!"

"Why not?"

"All the fans will get pissed that they lost their senpai, and the series will literally end right now. If that happens we're all dead. I still had some things I wanted ta do later in life."

"Like suck dick?"

"Exactly."

So, they build a bridge ta save D-Structs, but he keeps trying to fuck them up because he's basically like Zira in that one deleted scene of The Lion King 2. He would literally kill himself if it prevented him from being saved by his mortal enemies. In my opinion, that's kinda petty, but this show's full of pettiness.

Anyway, Dozer's still complaining about how D-Structs isn't grateful after they saved him. And I can say is, "Have you not been paying attention?"

And Ton-Ton's like, "Who knows? Maybe our good deed will end up having a positive effect on the dirty dude."(canon dialogue)

And Skya's like, "Yeah, Dozer. Like what happened with you when we pulled you out of the tar. Remember? You turned out ta be a real sweetheart."(canon dialogue)

"Ugh…don't remind me."(canon dialogue)

Aww, they're totally gonna fuck later. I mean, it's gonna be full of degrading and physical harm, but there's still some consent behind it all.

Also, apparently, D-Structs totally abandoned Skrap-It's ass, and he starts havin' a mental breakdown while remembering all the "good times" he spent with his master.

And he's like, "Guess the tail makes the Trux after all."(canon dialogue)

I fucking told you.

But this also gives Skrap-It an idea, and he finds a badass saw blade. So, D-Structs decides to test it on Ty, who's been playing rock Jenga with the others.

And D-Structs is like, "Ya know, guys, I realized something. I never did thank you for saving me or hacking my dick off. With this saw blade, I can fuck bitches without worrying about knocking them up. So, thanks for that."

So, he tries to hit Ty first, but he misses anyway.

And Ty's like, "Trust me, dude. Hit and miss is all you're gonna get because I've had enough practice avoiding my parents when they hit me."

Anyway, they cut off his dick again, and he fucks off.

And I guess the moral here is that you shouldn't let the universe control your fate, or else you'll never get the chance ta blow the giant, sweaty, black dick.


	12. Ottos

Right, uh…so, remember what I said about George being the best character in the show? Yeah, about that, at the time, I completely forgot about some other characters that were ten times more entertaining than the entire cast combined, and I'm so glad they decided to keep them.

If you don't know what I'm talking about, all I can say at this point is that accents make everything better.

Anyway, the episode starts with this big-ass meteor crashing onto the Earth, and it wipes out every Dinotrux on the planet and causes the Ice Age.

The end.

…

…

…

I'm kidding.

Ton-Ton starts ridin' at night, and he starts freakin' out when he sees the meteors.

And he's like, "Dudes, come quick! Callin' all dudes!"(canon dialogue)

And Ty's like, "Ugh! Ton-Ton, I don't care what kind of bad dream you had, I am _not_ tucking you in again."(canon dialogue)

What do mean, _again_, Ty? Is this your way of trying to hide the fact that you've never actually gotten your dick wet once in your life, let alone any consensual physical contact? So, now you try and make "tucking in your friend" look like "getting laid?"

That's bullshit, Ty. You know it, and I know it.

Anyway, Skya shows up, and she's like, "Holy shit! Did you guys see that meteor?! We gotta go get it!"

And they're all, "Why?"

"Because meteors are literally stuffed ta the brim with out-of-this-world drugs. I ate an entire meteor once, and I was trippin' balls for a week."

So, they head off ta look for the space drugs, but it turns out that some weird species of Reptool got there first. And these, my friends, are Hex Wrenchtools, and they're. Fucking. Swedish. I'm telling you, if there's any kind of racist and stereotypical accent they got comically correct in this show, it was the Hex Wrenchtools' Swedish accent! It's fucking hilarious!

Anyway, the gang tries to put the giant space balls, but it's rock hard and nearly breaks their jaws.

And Skya's like, "This thing is _hard_."(canon dialogue)

…I'm not even gonna make that joke.

And then, Dozer's all, "Just gotta find a way ta break it apart, and get ta the chewy center inside."(also canon dialogue)

It's just low-hanging fruit at this point, I swear.

Anyway, the Hex Wrenchtools start spazzing out when they see the Dinotrux, and Rev's like, "Whoa, dudes! Calm you tiny, non-existent tits! These guys are chill, I promise."

And the Hex Wrenchtools are just like, "Hoo, friendly? Hoo-hoo, Dinotroox?"

And Ton-Ton's like, "The fuck kinda accent is that?"

"It's Swedish, but we're pretty mooch part owl at this point."

"No kiddin'."

Then, one of the Hex dudes is like, "Wait, ja! We have heard about you! _You_ are the oddball Rooptool! That means _you_ are the weirdo T-Troox!"(canon dialogue)

And Ty's like, "Dude, 'weird' doesn't even _begin_ to describe our fucked up harem of drinking and masturbating."

"Hoo-hoo, vee thought you were just an urban legend on Reddit. We thought it was impossible for Dinotroox and Rooptools to get along without fighting over who's more fuckable."

And Rev's all, "Oh no, we still fight over that constantly. And it ends up with us in the ER most of the time, especially me."

"Well, hoo, since you're here, could you help us? The meteor fucked up our home, and ve're homeless now, hoo."

And they're like, "Eh, why not?"

Also, these guys are called Ottos…and when I say that, I mean, they're literally all called Otto. And Skya asks a really good question.

"How can you tell the guys from the girls?"(canon dialogue)

Seriously, that's like, a good question that's never addressed correctly. Like, is it a transgender trope, are they inbreeding, maybe cloning? I just wanna know what the fuck's goin' on here.

Anyway, the Ottos start packin' their things, and we learn that they're more organized than Sheldon Cooper's Star Trek collection.

And Ty's like, "Jesus Christ, I didn't think it was possible for anyone to have more OCD than you, Revvit."

And Rev's like, "Well, it's true. It's a well-known fact that Hex Wrenchtools have the highest level of OCD in the Reptool family."

Also, hey, it's D-Structs. Of course he showed up. Also also, is it me, or is D-Structs' voice getting deeper?

And after Ty and the others leave he's like, "Alright, two birds, one stone. We finally found somethin' ta kill Ty and his friends, and we found some grade-a, galactic drugs."

And Skrap-It's all, "Wait, why can't we just eat it, and not leave any for them?"

"No, dumbass. That's not how hardcore murder works. If I'm gonna eat this thing, I wanna eat it slowly on top of a pile of my enemies' dead bodies."

"Ok, but like, how is this gonna kill them?"

"Haven't you ever seen Indiana Jones?"

"No, but I've been meaning to."

"Either way, it's all about the irony. Not even Ty can handle balls this big."

Anyway, the others are still takin' the Ottos over to the Reptool Ravine, and Ton-Ton's like, "Anybody know any travel games?"(canon dialogue)

And Dozer's like, "How about a game of 'Shut the Fuck Up, Or I'll Break Your Teeth'?"

Then, Ty's all, "That doesn't sound like much fun."

What the fuck would you know, Ty? Matter of fact, how would any of you know since you don't actually have teeth?!

*sigh*You sexy metal dinosaurs are so frustrating, yet here I am.

But then, oh no, they're attacked by Scraptors. And, like, thirty seconds later, they fuck 'em up and win the battle because they're protected by MCPP: Main Character Protection Program.

And then, we cut back to D-Structs, and he's still tryin' to move all the space drugs.

And Skrap-It's like, "Ya know, it's a good thing you can't move balls this big, or else people might start to believe the fact that you're gay."

And DS is all, "I'm not gay, and you're not helping!"

"That's what she said."

And then, D-Structs starts throwing a tantrum, which finally causes the ball of space drugs to start rolling, and it has a convenient heat seeker for main characters and plot development(or lack thereof).

But like I said earlier, Big Red's gang is immune due to MCPP, and DS's plan fails…again. Seriously, who's to blame here? Is it just that D-Structs isn't trying hard enough, or that Ty and the gang have too much dumb luck?

Speaking of luck, the big balls crash and crack open, allowing the others to dig into the stash of space drugs.

And they're like, "Holy shit, it's raining Scraptools!"

Btw, the moral of this episode is that you shouldn't trust movie physics to apply to physics in real life.


End file.
